Sometimes I Feel Selfish Until…

 

 

 

 

 

 

If it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is. How many times have we been given this warning? And yet, we still wait with baited breath when something new and shiny fills us with temptation. Last week, I was offered a reward that made me feel like someone was finally noticing that I’m trying to make a difference in this world. I know that it’s a big task which I’ve barely started, but it’s one that I want to help with so I persevere day after day with my writing – even when naysayers claim that it’s ultimately selfish to do so. Well, today I heard the details about my “reward” and didn’t feel quite so sparkly about it. Yes, reality reared its foot again, and I was underneath its downward trajectory. I won’t bore you with the details, except to say that it felt wrong so I had to refuse.

I was honest in my refusal. I didn’t feel like I would be a good fit for what they had in mind. Nice words about what a great contribution I’d made didn’t feel so nice when I understood that it wasn’t about my accomplishments, but about their goals. I was saving us all from future pain as I can’t possibly promote something that I don’t fully believe in myself. But now that I haven’t even heard anything back since my refusal, I’m feeling a bit guilty. Honesty can sometimes be a real pain in the a** when it forces you to let someone else down. I have to remember that I’ll never make everyone happy all of the time.

Frankly, my refusal just shines a spotlight on my being out of step with the majority of the world. Most people talk about promotions, while I’m talking about the opportunity that creative inspirations open. I know that we all need money to survive. But I also know that money can’t buy you happiness – at least not for the long term. I don’t think that I’m wasting my time spinning my wheels on something that won’t make me rich. Rich means different things to different people. For me:

  • Rich means the ability to fill my soul to such depth that I’m brimming with new inspirations to create thought and movement with my writing.
  • Rich means helping others with what I have to offer, and knowing that others will also forward their talents on to others in need.
  • Rich means knowing that I’m doing the right thing by trying to help make this world a better place for everyone else who’s not fortunate in life.
  • Rich means my continued exploration of this beautiful universe that we inhabit, so that I become a more balanced person who can affect balance in others.
  • Rich means being comfortable enough with my ideals that I can gain the strength to withstand the headwinds coming my way.

Besides, I’ve gotten used to the strange looks when I select a different option from the majority. I’m not going to be the one on stage talking about how to get rich quickly. I’m going to be the one behind the scenes doing what I do best to make innovation and opportunity happen for more than just one person.

But sometimes it’s hard to get over feeling selfish when you’re idealism doesn’t mesh with someone else’s realism, and you have to walk away. Quid pro quo never results in an equal exchange. If you’re planning to follow your idealism, make sure that you’re prepared for the comments and snarks against you. And make sure that you’ve learned to let things roll off your back. Let it bother you briefly, so that it can strengthen you for the long haul.

Here are some stories of people who are one with their idealism in the face of adversity: Kai Nagata and Hershey Foreign Student Walkout. We’re all in this together!

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About Carolyn

I'm the creator of this site. A technical communicator who is now spreading her wings in the creative world. It'll be baby steps, but I'll be offering up my own creations to you as time goes on.
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